{"id":4101,"date":"2014-11-21T15:52:02","date_gmt":"2014-11-21T23:52:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/woocommerce-158966-458665.cloudwaysapps.com\/?p=4101"},"modified":"2015-01-27T12:37:11","modified_gmt":"2015-01-27T20:37:11","slug":"the-return","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.collectiveself.com\/poetry\/the-return\/","title":{"rendered":"The Return"},"content":{"rendered":"

I.<\/p>\n

Goodbye family who cannot bear the weight of me.
\nGoodbye family whose deep pain my own frame cannot bear.<\/p>\n

We hung on for so long to outdated expectations
\nto what we used to be
\nfailing each other, sinking our intertwined souls
\nuntil it sickened, almost killed
\nour right-now selves.
\nThank God for chocolate.<\/p>\n

Goodbye family <\/p>\n

It says something remarkable about what we used to be that we held on to old hopes and selves for so long<\/p>\n

It says something more remarkable about what we are now that we chose to breathe deep and let go here<\/p>\n

Goodbye<\/p>\n

We’re finally free
\nto love what we still have more deeply
\npush away what no longer serves us
\npull new love toward us
\nconnect with other broken hearts better suited to heal our own.<\/p>\n

II.<\/p>\n

Hello love<\/p>\n

I love the faces that show up to say “me too”
\nI love the earth that steadies my feet, the thick fuzzy socks that warm them
\nI love the bed, inviting judgement-free comfort zone, for the reminder
\nI love the cocoa for its short, sweet glimpse at days gone by<\/p>\n

I love the power in the simplest of words now:
\nPJs rock. Fuck pants today.<\/p>\n

I love the gathering power within.<\/p>\n

I love the sky even more now
\nwhere thoughts float
\namong stars and clouds and
\nwords drop in like neighbors
\nI love neighbors
\nwho stop by unannounced
\nwithout words
\nlike rockstars<\/p>\n

I love that the sun never fails to warm my face when I turn toward her.
\nI love that the family still beside me, smiling, able to cry my tears,
\nhas become more powerful than the sun.<\/p>\n

Hello love<\/p>\n

I’m so glad we set down the weight of our own expectations to race across the sand with the dog. Yes, I was wearing pajamas.<\/p>\n

I’m so glad we said goodbye to the self causing pain to greet this new self approaching. This broken-hearted, love-rich, weeping bad ass. This never-not-broken goddess, sleepy and tireless, strong and vulnerable defender
\nof broken-hearted people and their worlds.<\/p>\n

I’m so glad we all remember with body-deep clarity
\nwhat a loving family feels like.
\nI’m thrilled that none of us settles for less for ourselves and those we love.
\nI love that you have so much strength and fight left in you
\nthat you’ll be just fine, free and rising, without me.<\/p>\n

III.<\/p>\n

Goodbye family, I love you<\/p>\n

Thank you for teaching me to love
\nwhen I was little.<\/p>\n

Thank you for learning with me
\nnow that we’re grown
\nthat we won’t settle for less
\nfrom anyone.<\/p>\n

Thank you for pulling forth the unspoken so I could see it.<\/p>\n

IV.<\/p>\n

The girl you knew
\nDrowned
\nin a sea of frustration, half truths,
\nrage, fear, and assumptions.
\nShe is dead.
\nMourn her as long as you need to.
\nThen let her go. <\/p>\n

V.<\/p>\n

When you are ready, come<\/p>\n

Come greet the woman
\nwho steps toward you from the sea
\nlaughing, wounded, new, content, whole.
\nSacred truths shatter around her. She doesn’t.
\nLove never leaves her presence.
\nShe’s a wellspring of love because love shows up in others, surrounds her, pours into her when she’s nearing empty. And she let’s it all in.
\nShe loves messiness and openness. Leaves sand on the floor.
\nDishes go unwashed for days sometimes.
\nShe sleeps late. Friends learn to make their own breakfast.
\nShe’s been seen walking barefoot in the sand, even in winter.
\nShe pulls rainbows out of the darkest sky
\nfrom bed, in her pajamas, while crying.<\/p>\n

She may be strange but she’s not a stranger.
\nShe has her mother’s smiling eyes.
\nShe may be fierce sometimes and there’s absolutely nothing to fear.
\nHer father’s strength.<\/p>\n

You will find rest and welcome at her shore.
\nBring comfy pajamas. Wash your own dishes. Forgive.
\nAnd you’ll be invited to return.<\/p>\n

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I. Goodbye family who cannot bear the weight of me. Goodbye family whose deep pain my own frame cannot bear. We hung on for so long to outdated expectations to what we used to be failing each other, sinking our intertwined souls until it sickened, almost killed our right-now selves. Thank God for chocolate. Goodbye […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4100,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[952,784,678,778],"tags":[919,920,710,918,676],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.collectiveself.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4101"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.collectiveself.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.collectiveself.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.collectiveself.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.collectiveself.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4101"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.collectiveself.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4101\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.collectiveself.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4100"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.collectiveself.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4101"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.collectiveself.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4101"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.collectiveself.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4101"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}