A promise to my family…

***********

Today, I will listen, not judge.

Today, I will not trade in a deep ocean of love and respect
for the red-hot coal of contempt.

Today, I will forgive those who appear to judge me
and those who appear to choose narrow self-interest above love.

Today, when I mess this up,
I will forgive myself
and start again.

Because we are worth it.

***********

I am making the choice today to love all beings
regardless of—and usually because of—
our faults and flaws.

We are not united in our perfection: we never were.

We are united in our imperfections.
Wise women say that the cracks are where the light can shine in:
and, boy, are we cracked.
They say that broken hearts are open hearts:
and, wow, are ours broken.

Yet, it was not before this, it is now—right now—
right in the middle of our own neck-deep-in-family-crap now
that we’re becoming capable of infinite love.

I am capable of infinite love.

We can love beings
who are bickering,
being spiteful,
misremembering,
misrepresenting,
feeling contempt,
not seeing our perspective,
not wanting our help,
sticking their noses into places they don’t belong,
lying or stealing,
and the worst, at least for me:
willfully rewriting a story of wholeness,
removing and forgetting the love,
the complexity of then, and the sheer simple beauty that is us,
even now.

We’re all guilty of these things
at some point in our lives.
Forgiveness wouldn’t work if we weren’t all flawed.

**********

Today, I will listen, not judge.

Today, I will not trade in a deep ocean of love and respect
for the red-hot coal of contempt.

Today, I will forgive those who appear to judge me
and those who appear to choose narrow self-interest above love.

Today, when I mess this up,
I will forgive myself
and start again.

Because we are worth it.

***********

Nasty actions are born from pain,
from fear, and sometimes
from exhaustion.

I believe
that scared beings, exhausted, in pain,
should be loved,
embraced,
forgiven.
I believe that being loved is
an inalienable right
of the living,
which even includes
the person I’d most like
to punch in the nose right now.

This is the way I was raised, family.
You raised me so well
that now my ears can hear
our long and winding story of wholeness
above this moment’s name calling.
Now my eyes can see only
tired, sad, or scared humans when I am told
to fear the devil on the other side.
Now my heart can only feel
an ocean of love and respect
for the people who brought me here. For you.
For all of you.

Your story is yours to tell. This one is mine.
In my story you are angels, capable of infinite love right now,
and you are also a giant pain in the ass, capable of making me weep with frustration right now.
In my story, all of this is wanted and needed: both angel wings and ass pain.
In my story, we are made more real to each other, and more whole, in our brokenness together.
In my story, I would not trade a single one of you crazy people for anyone or anything else on earth.
Even neck deep in shit, I am glad for your company.

If you look in my direction one day and the shit has covered my head entirely
know that unshakeable love for you is emanating outward from somewhere inside that steaming pile.
I am in there thinking of snow balls and swimming and fishing and sweet summer salads and songs around campfires.
I am in there recalling decades of your generosity, support, humor, and hugs–for both those who deserved it and those who didn’t.
And I am 100 percent certain that when I reach out to find you that your hand will find mine.

***********

Today, I will listen, not judge.

Today, I will not trade in a deep ocean of love and respect
for the red-hot coal of contempt.

Today, I will forgive those who appear to judge me
and those who appear to choose narrow self-interest above love.

Today, when I mess this up,
I will forgive myself
and start again.

Because we are worth it.

At the beach